I haven’t blogged or written anything on the internet for awhile. Most of the last 9 months were filled with packing, moving, driving, working at Disney, going to Disney on my days off, sleeping, oh, then finding out I was pregnant, then sickness, and more packing…. okay you get the point. It’s been busy around here for the Caldwell family. Finally, we have settled back into Ohio. I say settle lightly because we are currently living with family and looking for a house or home to rent in the very near future.
A new year just started and the majority of people reflect back on how their previous year went and what they want to do differently in the coming year. For me, I looked back at a year full of risks. Aaron and I took a huge risk when we decided to move to Orlando, we prayed constantly about the opportunity to go and when it was free and clear, we went! We have never been ones to shy away from God’s calling on our life and definitely are always up for a new adventure. We knew that the fact that we didn’t have kids would make this move so much easier and maybe the last big move before we did have kids.
Little did we actually know that going into 2016 we’d be expecting our first child. You see Aaron and I have always been the first. We got married when we were 19 and 20, we moved away, we moved home, and now we’re having our first child. Many of our friends, meaning none of our close community, have kids, and some are not married. So, at times it can feel like we are the odd men out, and to me personally it is overwhelming.
When you move away for 9 months, you know your friends are happy to see you, and they’re very happy that you’re home but it can feel like you are a foreigner in your own home. You know that life went on when you left, but you’d hoped things would be the same when you returned. I imagined being able to step back into the same roles we were in before, and honestly, that’s impossible. Our friends have grown and changed, just like we have. They forge new friendships, and spend their time still doing the things you’d left behind.
This type of situation plays on insecurities I’ve had since I was very young. I was oftentimes left out of a group, not invited intentionally, made fun of, and joked about behind my back. When I stepped, no literally jumped back into youth ministry, I felt this instantly. I felt like one of the 12 year olds sitting in the seats around me. That somehow I was being left out, I wasn’t accepted anymore, or that I was the odd (wo)man out. Although most of the time these thoughts seem utterly ridiculous to me, they are real. They are real feelings that stem from the fact that in 15 weeks, friendships and relationships are going to change for me, and this kind of change is intimidating and overwhelming while also being very exciting.
You see, my life is about to change forever. And although I am very anxious and intimidated by the thought, I know that God’s timing could not have been more perfect for Aaron and I. I am grateful for friends who will surround my son with so much love and laughter. I pray that if you’re feeling out of place, in the wilderness, or alone, that you pray for discernment and the ability to know why you’re feeling what you are. I’m definitely not saying this will suddenly and miraculously make you feel at peace, but it is a step in that direction.
One last thing, if you’re reading this! Thank you for being my friend and being a part of our lives, I really truly cannot wait to share our son with his family and also so much extended family as well!
whoweare 
Love you so much!!